The Wait

James 5:7 (NIV) Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains.

Oh my! How difficult it is to go through the season of waiting.  Seeing my peers successful in their quests for babies, I felt so pressurised.  How come it is so difficult to get pregnant?


The topsy turvy feeling of my stomach is quite unbearable these couple of days.  It is adding onto my worries.  On top of that the unpromising fertility report, the recommendation to see a fertility doctor, the endless reading on the net on fertility issues are tiring both of us out.  I have to brew chinese medicine every other day for myself and my husband too.  Gosh, "trying to conceive" for us, is a challenge.

Two more days left before I can whoosh the magical stick to know the better or worst.  I shall be patient in the Lord.

Divine Exchange

My tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollable during worship last Sunday.  I was convicted again how much I wanted to see God, to have that divine exchange with Him.

Divine Exchange ~ Hillsong

For the 1st time, I don't stand in the same frequency with Raymond (my husband).  Sometime last week, my husband showed full enthusiam when he was sharing the benefits of investing young and wisely.  In practicablity sense, I understood his intentions and nod inside my brain.  However there was an inner voice telling me, "Jeslyn my child, why are you pursuing the worldly things when the earth is only a passing phase?"  This inner voice was so strong, that I gave a blank look to my husband which annoyed him.

I understood whatever he said though I told him otherwise.  Come on, as a commerce student half of my life, I do know some of the fundamentals.  But I was quite sad when my husband spent most of his time looking at finance or political issues.  He is no longer spending time with God by reading His word.  The excuse he gave - God did not answer his prayers; He is an unfair God, so why should he still continue to read His word?

Shouldn't it be another way round?  If my husband was a faithful servant of Him - that included reading His word, following His righteous ways and of course praying fervently, God will answer his prayers eventually.  Maybe God already answered our prayers, but it is not according to the way we wanted, therefore we chose to turn a deaf ear.  Then again, I am in no position to judge my husband nor God's ways.  I am clueless on His ways too.  The only thing that I can pray for, is a touch from God on Ray's heart that will change him.

I long to see God's face, and I pray that that divine opportunity will come for me to see Him face to face.

He must Increase, I must Decrease (John 3:30)

Thank God for making me return to SBC earlier than usual so that I would not miss today's devotion.  Oh my! The message was really speaking to me!

There are three ways in which we can know what true humility means and avoid the pitfalls of pride.

1. John knew his calling - know my calling. 

Are you a driven person or a called person?  Both demonstrate ambition.  Driven person are ambitious to obtain worldly acclaim.  Those with a call are ambitious to advance God's glory.  They live for an audience of ONE.

I was convicted for sinning when I read about this.  Recently I have completed this major project and I was complaining to 'everyone' how unfair my own boss was.  When everyone else noticed my hardwork and praised me through exchange of emails, he remained silent.  I was utterly upset then, but I no longer felt the same.  I shall work towards the mentality and attitude that "I only want God to see". 

2. John knew his worth and value.

A man can receive only what is given him from heaven (John 3:26-27)

Only when we firmly grounded in Christ's pleasure in us, not needing the strokes of the crowd, are we free to be the leader God intended.

Do I know my value and worth yet? I will only know about my value when God gave me the role (the calling) as that value would come from the Father who assigned my part.

3. John knew how to guide his heart - Ability to guide my heart in accordance to God's will. 

Humble leaders know that they are made with feet of clay and therefore must keep vigilant to watch over their inclination of their own soul. 

Boasting is the response of the pride to sucess.  "I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much."

I am guilty of this.  I shall repent.

Self-pity is the response of the pride to suffering.  "I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much." 

I am guilty of this as well.  Coming to serve in SBC full time was indeed considered a GREAT sacrifice, but I am blessed with other goodness that God gave me.  I should have focused on the intangible assets and blessings I received, not on the monetary rewards.

Thank you God for Your Word on reminding me that this place is only a passing phase.  My home is with you in Heaven.

Something strucked me....~real hard

I am ashamed that I have been away from God for quite a long time even though I am working in a Christian organization.  What an irony!

That 66 unique books compiled into one blue book of mine has been left untouched on the shelf for at least 6 months.  The "Daily Bread" that I received  via email everyday is chucked into a specific folder without even reading it.  My excuse - I will read it someday when I am free - but when?  My husband and I no longer find time to practise worship songs since we do not have to lead worship in cell group anymore.  Transition, the only comforting yet self deceptive word that could explain the big change.  It has become a true fact that both of us have grown detached spiritually.  If our matters did not seem bad enough, the unanswered prayer would have worsened it.  It was exasperating to a point that my husband gave up on praying altogether.

Over  the last weekend, I shelved aside my academic books temporary to make way for the smallest book I had ever borrowed from my colleague, "The Prayer of Jabez". I thought, "This book is so small, I will be able to finish reading within one hour." I was wrong.  It took me three hours to digest it, even tripled the time I spent on a single chapter of my textbook.  I was totally blown away by the message that God had put in me through this book.  The sense of guilt overwhelmed my being with the simple fact that I did not put true faith and trust in God.  

Although the inner revolution had yet to be reconciled with Him, I started praying the Jabez prayer everyday.  Unlike what I had been asking God specifically for the last 7 months without an answer, I surrendered myself to God through the Jabez's prayer this time.   I have no idea what God wants to do with me or wants to give me but I know something different will evolve from here. 

For something miraculous to happen, I must first examine whether I am doing my quiet time and whether I am right with God.  However, many a times, I fall short of that Christ-like standard.  Writing this blog today embarks a new journey of my life.  I must set time for God, just like I did for my academic books.  I want to be closer to Him. 

It is TIME to read the unread daily bread and the bible rigourously, starting from today.